her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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