I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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