NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
