Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
