I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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