When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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