How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
