Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
