im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
