in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
