the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
