ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
