Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
