She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pants are for mortals
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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