Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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