Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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