guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
