she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
