I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
