just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
