Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
