the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
