I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
