Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
