Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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