I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
