Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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