i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
