the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
