Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
