btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
