I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
