I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
