Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
