Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
