Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
