My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
