like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hippo gnu deer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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