I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
