Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
