I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
