things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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