ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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