honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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