I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
