You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
