Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
