Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
