Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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