I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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