I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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