You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
