i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
