The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
