Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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