I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
