Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
